You should probably be writing some of the questions here and be honest with the
answers you give to them.
The 5 tips here is of Identifying & Eliminating
Your Primary Constraint (Brick Wall)
“The Floodlight To Laser Method”
The challenging part is that to fix what’s broken, you have to KNOW what’s broken and be honest with yourself.
Being honest isn’t always the most comfortable thing to do…but neither is being alone on a Saturday night or watching women that you would love to meet…walk by and not have the ability to make something happen with her.
So you deserve this and owe it to yourself…
BE A FLOODLIGHT FIRST
Step 1: Identify your strengths:
Why? This reinforces that once you find your constraint you
have the power to overcome it.
• Write down your strengths
• What are you good at?
• When do you feel comfortable?
• What are you proud of?
• Write this down.
Step 2: Be realistic about what you really want.
Why? Because most guys never take the time to know what they
want out of dating in general or what they want out of a woman
specifically. You can’t get want you want until you know what that is. Like…
A. What is your real GOAL with dating?
◦ To find a girlfriend or a wife?
◦ To have sex with a new girl every night?
◦ Or to date whoever you want and never have to settle with a woman who’s not perfect for you?
◦ To have all 3 at the same time? You decide
B. What do you want to find in a particular woman
◦ What qualities are you looking for in a girlfriend? What kind of personality, lifestyle, looks, or anything else do
you really find attractive for you? What do you want sexually?
▪ A good girl?
▪ A nymphomaniac
▪ A combination of both 🙂
The more detailed on this Step the better.
Step 3: Now, list your frustrations and constraints
• List ALL the areas where you experience the most frustration, fear, and failure.
• It doesn’t have to be the biggest source of frustration, just ANY source. Take inventory and be honest. You may
realize it’s bigger or smaller than you originally thought.
Step 4: Cause and Effect
• Look at the list in Step 3 and determine which problem area
affects the other areas the most and track it back to the main root cause.
• How: Ask WHY questions of yourself.
◦ Example: I’m frustrated with my ability to be sexual with women.
◦ Because I’m afraid I’ll creep her out and blow my chances with her.
◦ Because I’m afraid I can’t get her turned on enough to accept my romantic or sexual advances
◦ Because I run out of things to say and get nervous during
the conversation and I can’t get signs that she’s interested
◦ Because…because. I don’t know. I just feel like I lose it during the conversation.
◦ If THAT is your stopping point…when you can’t identify a
cause anymore, then you’ve probably reached your primary
constraint or your brick wall. Congratulations!
Step 5: Knocking Down The Brick Wall
If you’ve made it this far, congratulations. Success is in your grasp.
Now it’s time to BE A LASER…NOT A FLOODLIGHT
You used a “floodlight” to discover the obstacle, now by focusing your
attention on your Primary Constraint like a laser you’re going to
remove it quickly and easily.
For instance, if your constraint is “conversational and rapport skills,”
then put aside new openers and gimmicks and ways to get a girl into bed.
• Learn from every source you can about conversation, storytelling, building rapport, and transitioning from the approach.
• Look to the Dating Gurus you admire and follow. What do they
• Now look to the Dating Gurus you DON’T like or follow…what
do THEY say. Chances are, the multiple viewpoints will give
you some insight.
• Now Go out and talk to people. Get really awesome at this. It
doesn’t take nearly as much energy as you think once you’re
If your primary constraint is something else…then do the exact
same steps with that.
It’s ALL about focusing your energy on the main problem.
Be a floodlight to shine light on all parts of your game and figure what
needs fixing, then be a laser to fix it.
It may SEEM like a lot of work, and I won’t lie, it takes effort, just like
anything worthwhile. And most guys are too lazy to do them, that’s
why most guys don’t date the women they want…they just settle for
what they can get. You don’t really want this to happen to you…right?
Some of the tips can directly have an effect on other areas of your life.
Check out more books or tips on how to get better with yourself.